lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
