well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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