I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
