when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
