i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize