I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
how drunk are you?
Several
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
