so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
