omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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