Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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