What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
