Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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