yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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