That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
