oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
