Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize