too bad you live with your parents still
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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