Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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