Do vagina's smell?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
