i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
