Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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