I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's the barista slut.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
