I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
