Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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