marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize