At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
