Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Swine flu. Run for my life!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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