whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
