I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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