we're blogging at a bar
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
