I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
