Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
