We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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