Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
