just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
