i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
