I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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