I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
