just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
