My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
