Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize