I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
