i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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