True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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