If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize