So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
