I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
