Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
