yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize