Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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