i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
