i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
