I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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