You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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