Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
