are you still at the devil's house?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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