well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
