i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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