um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
