you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
