I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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