oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
