He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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