return my video game
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
