It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
