i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
