before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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