Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
