His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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