Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
