we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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