These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
