you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
