Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
