Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
