Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
