so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
