matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
