And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
