It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
