masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
