I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
