my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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