mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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