Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
