we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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