Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
