i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
