I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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