i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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