Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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