I CAN MOONWALK!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize