The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
