I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
