yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
