So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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