I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
