I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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