I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
