FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize