i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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