Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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