There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
