she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
