he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
