Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
