We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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