He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So much rum. So many feels.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
