the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
