dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
