Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
