But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
