Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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