oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
