For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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