If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
