there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
