I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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