the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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