I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize